Red Red

The color of the 100 Baht note is red. In colloquial Thai, if you want 100 Baht, you might say, "give me a red." Or, if you want 200 Baht, you might say, "give me red red."

I have been driving in Thailand without a proper Thai license for six years. My first three years , I had an international driver's license. When I got pulled it over and showed it to a cop, he just handed it back to me dismissively and waited for his money. "What's the point?" I thought about the international driver's license. The next two years I just carried my American driver's license. Again, if pulled over, the cop wasn't the least bit interested in my license; he just wanted money.

Then I lost my American driver's license, so I have been driving a year without any license. This makes me nervous. Sure, most cops take money, but I'm always worried I will get stopped by some over-eager do-gooder who will handcuff me and send me to the Bangkok Hilton, where prisoners catch rats and eat them uncooked.

Yesterday, while driving to the country house, we fell into a speed trap. A team of two cops waved me over and directed me to a third. "Hurry!" I told Poo, "give me 500 Baht!" (15 dollars)

"No way," she said, "that's too much."

"Don't argue, Poo!" I shouted as the cop was approaching, "I don't have a license! just give me 500!"

"I don't have 500" she retorted, and she slipped 200 Baht into my hands as I was rolling down the window.

The cop approached, saluted said "Sawasdee Khrap" and before I could even return his salute he smiled, said "OK! OK!", snatched the 200 Baht out of my hands and waved me onwards.

"THANK YOU!" I returned his salute and moved on.

I was delighted. I had avoided the Bangkok Hilton for just six dollars. But Poo was upset. Her arms were crossed. I guessed she was upset because I said "Thank you!".

But no: "200 Baht was too much," she complained, "100 Baht would have been enough. Did you see that thief? As soon as he saw that red red, his eyes got so big, his smile got so wide, and he snatched that money so fast!"